I go along blindly then stop dead. Something in my body makes me pay attention. I follow the trail and in the middle of the night G and I drive into Guelph.
Are you claustrophobic. No. Do you have any metal in your body. No. A bullet. Giggle.
I want the music. No cloth over my eyes. ‘This cage is to focus the machine on your brain.’
I am in a time capsule. I am in the latest episode of Black Mirror. I am training for Nassau. Keep shut eyes. Music, music, do not think.
Results in 2 or 3 days.
I swim around in my life for 7 days. Oh well oh well oh well.
I keep it to myself but let it leak out a bit just in case someone wants to love me.
My grandmother was never sick, she was slim as asparagus. I am just like her. She played solitaire at her sunny kitchen table until the faces wore off the cards. She died at 94.
G asks if I am worried. No. Stuck.
I walk into my room and wonder why I felt rabbits.
I’m calling the Doctor I say to G. Hello. Yes. Okay, yes have the nurse call me back. When, 2 or 3 days. I’ll be dead by then.
I get my hair colored. My hair is too light, I don’t look definite.
Your results show no bleeds, nothing sinister (is this a medical term), your brain is good (I’m going to hang on to that).
I sleep like the dead. I wake with the sun cutting through the cedars.
My hair is too dark but I’m going to live.